Jobs

I woke up this morning thinking about the jobs I've had/almost had over the past two years. Fall of 2010 I was in the final interviewing stages of a research position with a private public health company. I failed to answer one simple question with promptness and assurance: "Why do you want this job?" Well, of course that's an easy answer: "Money!" Unfortunately, that's actually what my brain thought to say. Luckily my mouth didn't follow suit, but it did sidetrack me enough to sputter through some harebrained response. I wasn't prepared to be interviewed during this phone call. Why not? I thought a secretary was calling me to make flight arrangements. In a brief, dazzling moment, my shining star fell into a black hole, never to be seen again. Two months of waiting later, I didn't get the job. I couldn't believe that after hours of interviews, one simple moment of stupidity could erase all the good I had accomplished.

So I applied to a Masters of Public Health program. Which I got into. And got an assistantship. And a scholarship. It was free, and I was getting paid to go to school. How lucky! I started January of 2011. I hated it. I had quit by the end of February. What they didn't tell you on the school's website was how they don't believe an individual is responsible for their own actions, and only society and regulations can affect change in public health. I believe in health. But as I was interested in health from a psychological perspective, I knew I couldn't abide by this mindset. Besides the fact that the professors were stupid and arrogant. My fellow students uninteresting. I was unable to drink the kool-aid, sotospeak, and I was angry every day from what I learned and read. I don't regret leaving, but I do wish I had found a different program to be a part of.

Spring of 2011 I got an internship at a veteran's job placement company. I did so well that they let me go because I finished my work too quickly and too well. They thought I would be bored talking to veterans all day. I had ideas for that place and was dedicated to my work because of my husband and his friends. I was excited about going to work each day. It was a blow to leave that job.

Summer of 2011 I started work as a nanny to a 3 month old and started my own business. I quit nannying when I found out I was pregnant, because I wanted to focus on my own body and child. My business is now neither growing nor failing, though I am sure I could do more for it. I like the creativity involved. I just don't really know how to own a business and make it grow.

Where does this leave me? Wondering if I should pursue other jobs. Knowing I want to be a SAHM and not stick my child(ren) in daycare. Wishing I earned more money to help out David.

That's all. I'm excited for my job as a mother. I look forward to it every day. I love taking care of the house and David. And I know that my life isn't over, that maybe just cause I haven't started a career yet doesn't mean I won't ever.