Post #88

New Year; new website. You can find me on WordPress from now on! WordPress is apparently the place to be if you're a blogger, so... you can find me here. Keep reading!

Book Worms

I love books. I couldn't live without books. If there was one thing in my life that I knew wouldn't change when I had a baby, it was my reading habits. Sure, for a while there I couldn't read as much, but I think I would have gotten a lot more sleep when Walt was a newborn if I hadn't read (or been OCD about cleaning the house). I think my love of books is why I majored in history - certainly wasn't the job opportunities!

One of many things I love about my baby boy is that when I read to him, he sits in my lap, stares at the pages, and when I read the words and look at him, he smiles and giggles back at me. I swear he has already inherited my love of reading (Dave is a reader as well). And it's not just the words. It's the actual pages, something you can seriously dig into, a world you can literally hold in your hand. The feel of the book changes the reading experience.

In my house, my two favorite things to look at are my pictures and my library. 

This year I have read 28 books (23 novels and 5 non-fiction). I am currently re-reading Doomsday Book for a book club and Fall of Giants (a Ken Follett novel) is sitting on my nightstand started but unfinished. I started writing down the books I read in the middle of 2005. I also save my favorite quotes from each book in a file on my computer. On my past two Christmas cards (my only two Christmas cards!) I included a favorites list so those near and dear can know where Dave's and my book life has taken us. I keep trying to start a book club with friends, and I think 2013 is the year to accomplish that.

I hope the New Year brings us all many glad tidings of joy.

“‘Dear God,’ she prayed, ‘let me be something every minute of every hour of my life. Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry…have too much to eat. Let me be ragged or well dressed. Let me be sincere – be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honorable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute. And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is ever lost’” (A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, 421). 

Christmas Presence

Christmas is a time filled with such good feelings that I'm always a little sad when it's over. It won't be back for another year!

I didn't watch most of my favorite Christmas movies this year before Christmas. Therefore I've been cramming them in the past few days. The other night I put on The Family Man and left the den for a minute to get some work done on my computer. When I came back in, Dave said, "You're really funny putting on your Christmas movies and then leaving the room. Last night in bed you put on Miracle on 34th Street and promptly fell asleep. When I finally turned off the movie about an hour later, you woke up and said, 'I'm so excited.'"

Dave: What about?
Me: What? What did I say?
Dave: You said you were excited. What are you excited about?
Me: January 7th
Dave: What? January 7th? Why are you excited about January 7th?
Me: Downton Abbey returns
Dave: You are funny
Me: I think I should go back to sleep

A friend of my mother's gave us this beautiful, homemade raspberry jam (yum!) and a plant for Christmas. Now, I normally kill plants. Or at least I did until Dave showed me how to properly plant them outside so they'll live. But this one is an indoor plant. It needs warmth, sunlight, and just the right amount of water. A recipe for disaster. Well, this plant must have come from the Little Shop of Horrors. Despite my lack of watering skills (I've killed a cactus before) this thing has exploded in the last week or so. I think I can see it growing before my very eyes. There was no flower bud when we got it, now there is one 2 feet tall that bends in whatever direction the sunlight is, then at night straightens up again. I'm pretty sure in a couple days we'll hear a small "Feed me!" and the cat will be missing.

Happy Boxing Day

I sure loved giving out our presents this year! And Santa was good to us too!

Walt's first Christmas: couldn't even stay awake long enough to open all his gifts!

 

One happy family. 

If a party falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it...

It is a crazy foggy night in Atlanta this Christmas Eve. Difficult to drive around, and after some holiday egg nog you better watch out. It's kinda awesome though driving by the lit up houses... you can't see anything and then boom all of a sudden there are Christmas decorations! Some more tasteful than others of course.

The Christmas Eve candlelit service at Morningside Presbyterian was gorgeous as usual. Moving, beautiful, well put together, and it really got me into the spirit of the holiday. It truly is a day about Jesus being born, and what he was about to do to the world, the peace he would inspire in everyone, rather than gifts and gifts and gifts... I guess they symbolize the gift that was given to us when Jesus came to be, but that might be stretching it. A prophecy, a birth... and after having given birth myself it makes it that much more meaningful. I can imagine Mary, instead of in a hospital, in a cold barn laboring...

It is chaos not only on the streets but in stores this past week. I go to do some regular shopping at Kroger or Target and wow what is everyone else in the neighborhood, and several adjoining ones, doing there at the same time as me? I ran out of light brown sugar making my pecan pie today and I run to the store for some last minute items and I see People Magazine featuring the 26 faces of Newtown and then I'm holding back tears in the checkout line on Christmas Eve, and... we aren't just isolated humanoid collections of atoms. We are so much more than that, and no one man will make or break us. I think even Jesus would agree with that.

Merry Christmas. Share some joy and love in this beautiful and fragile world. You never know how many chances you'll get.

Mama vs. The Laundry

There must be some laundry demon living in my washing machine. Or the dryer. Maybe he likes it hot; I've heard some do. In all my favorite shirts I get tiny holes on the bottom of the front. I never understood why this was. Once I asked my grandmother and she suggested that it is because I lean against the counter. I considered that to be an intuitive proposal. I have yet to come up with an experiment to test her theory, but I do like leaning against counters. However, I want to and will continue to blame the laundry demon. He's the one who also steals one out of a pair of socks. Or makes me forget to take my cute wool sweaters out of the load to lay them flat to dry. I even think he makes the baby throw up on all our clothes so our newly cleaned things are constantly dirty. His worst trick is when I take the laundry all warm and dry out of the dryer and then he makes it cold and damp when I'm ready to fold everything.

Can't blame him for all the cat hair on everything though.

Merry Christmas Eve Eve! Let the festivities begin!

Apocalypse Revisited

The wind whips through the bare winter trees. The morning light and shadows play through the window shades. The wooden Christmas wreath bangs against the our living room window. The baby smiles.

"Is today the apocalypse? But it doesn't feel like the apocalypse." - David

Most of us don't believe the world will end in a blaze of glory (at least not today), but maybe these theories get popular because we're a doomsday type of people. It's not hard to believe given the mayhem we see in the news every day. For the people who die, is it not an apocalypse of one, at least?

Reflections

My grandma is not doing well physically, mentally, or spiritually. She is not a spiritual woman, but I am talking about her spirit. Since her first stroke last year, and then after the one she had a few weeks ago, she has seemed depressed. Not surprising for someone who is 89 and in ailing health, but also hard to watch. Maybe if she was a spiritual woman this time in her life would be easier for her. Maybe all the difficult times in all our lives would be easier if we relied more on our spiritual communities to see us through the mire. If we turned to a peaceful and loving spirit (whether it be Jesus, Buddha, etc.) to guide us. However, I don't like seeing this in my grandma for several reasons. First, it is painful to watch someone you love and like be hurting. I don't want her to die, and I don't want to see her cry when I ask her how she is doing. Second, it is difficult to watch someone who has lived a long and fruitful life, surrounded by family who loves her, to be so upset about the inevitable. This is true especially in light of the events on Friday. Twenty beautiful children shot to death before they had a chance to do so very many things in life. Parents who dropped their kids off at school who didn't live to eat lunch that day. No less sad are the six young women, women with families, women about to retire, who had so much ahead of them in their lives too. It's enough to make me walk around afraid of death, afraid of strangers, afraid of the every day unknowns that can strike us any time. Random acts of violence are the counterparts to random acts of kindness. And it seems like I hear so much more often about violence. It is not just the murderous rampages of a few individuals, but the daily violent minutia that gets to me too. The little unkindnesses we show each other all the time. The yelling, the hate, the abuse, the violence, the discrimination, the judgement... etc, etc, etc, all the vices and sin Pandora let out of her box. It makes me think, which is worse? One person killing 27 people, or 27 people each killing someone? For goodness sakes, we don't have to want to kill someone to have it happen. We can get in our cars while drinking or texting and next thing you know, an accident happens. People are much more likely to die in an accident than by homicide, but we don't stop driving our cars or taking the risks that seem to make life more fun, and this is if we even all assume that death is the worst possible outcome. And then if you are being truly honest, it's not accidents or violence that really kills people, it's what we do to ourselves: drinking, smoking, eating, not exercising... We are our own worst enemy, as the saying goes. And we certainly don't fear food or sitting inside on the couch. Well, most of us don't. But in society, what you often see come to the surface are the things that cause us fear. Because fear is very powerful. Are fear and pleasure the yin and yang that dominate our lives - and thus our politics? 

It is the hope and amazement I feel when I see my child smile or do something new that makes my world a better place. I might be a new parent, but I feel like I've known and loved my son my entire life. And I think that is what hurts us all so much about Sandy Hook. That man tried to kill our hope and amazement in the world. He took what was precious and destroyed it. It didn't just destroy those families but a little piece (and peace) in all of us, because we all understand the innocence, hope, imagination, and possibilities that childhood represents. And when something that disgusting happens, we just can't believe it. Adults may fight, you can be in the wrong place at the wrong time, someone may do someone else wrong, but children? Really? Why would someone be so cruel?

The only thing left for us to do is to help, to forgive, to keep believing we can all change the world for the better, and to keep it moving. No one is immune from tragedy. But what is different in all of us is what we do in the face of tragedy. We can stay the same, we can lament and vicariously judge the evil in the world, or we can take one more giant step in the evolution of ourselves.

Christmas Christmas Everywhere

We mailed out our Christmas cards yesterday. I love mailing out cards. A) because it's snail mail, which everyone loves to get if it's not a bill or some ad (why do people still spend money on that) and 2) because I get to unleash my inner creative in a mass mailing to all friends and family. Every major event is worthy of being noted in this way. And I only get better at it. In fact, people tell me that I could make money with my card designs. The funny thing is, I've had a creative design business for over a year, and I've only gotten a few takers! Companies like Shutterfly have me beat with ease of use, etc. But, I'm cheaper. And a small, local business. I do like Shutterfly though. Great product. Maybe next year I'll send out some flyer reminding people of my awesomeness and they'll flock to my website and beg me to design their personalized Christmas card/birth announcement/wedding thank yous... You name it, I'm interested in spending time on it.

Luckily, even though I'm a full time mama, my good friend Leslie has me working for her too. Strangely enough I like working on trucking compliance. You'd think it might be boring, but there is never-ending work for it. And I like knowing that I'm working in the same field as my husband (he does commercial transportation insurance... so he works with the truckers too but in a very different context. An unfortunate business; people just believe that if they've hit a truck they've won the lottery).

Anyway, I love all things Christmas. The bright lights, the red and green decorations, the present giving (this year I put a lot of thought into the few gifts I got people), the food, the family time, the cold weather (finally!). And of course, shooing away the cat from the tree unless she looks like this:

Christmas Kitty

Irrational 3am Thoughts

Like maybe there will be a day again where I will sleep longer than 4 hours straight.

I had 28 years of unappreciated, glorious sleep.

And to think, this is only the beginning of my childbearing years.

Good thing my boy is so cute!

Ask & Ye Shall Receive

Dave and I were decorating the Christmas tree last night, and I was talking to him about getting Walter a baby's first Christmas ornament. I am a very sentimental person, especially with personalized items, mementos, photographs and such. I said we had three options: we could make one, we could buy one, or we could wait and see if someone gives us one. I am a very crafty person, so the idea of making one was appealing. We made clay foot and hand prints already (no, it was not frustrating trying to get a 3 1/2 month old to cooperate with us, the wet clay, and the vision I had), but they were way too heavy to hang on a Douglas Fir branch. As I was looking at my own ornaments I made as a child, I was very excited to make such things with Walter.

It was a beautiful night, we had wrapped up with the house decorations, and Dave went outside to enjoy the stillness. He brought back inside a package addressed to Master Walter Warford. It was small. Dave asked me if I thought it might contain the very object I had been asking for. Upon opening it, it was a very lovely silver ornament expressing the very memory I wanted to keep! How thoughtful of the universe to put that idea in a generous friend's head! And to get it on the night we were decorating the tree... well, that's just what the Christmas spirit is all about.

Detouring today on the way home from picking up our Christmas cards, I saw we have a very small, very religious university right here in our neighborhood. I told Walter that he could go to elementary, high school, and college all within walking distance of our house. I think he was grateful that he was asleep and didn't hear my suggestion.

My two handsome men