Little Feet

Oh these little feet! Oh the places they will go! (Yes, I love that Dr. Suess book). They will take my little boy on so many adventures, they will take him places he never expected to go, probably both good and bad. I look at my little Walter and I can't imagine him as a grown up, yet that is where he is headed. Every day he gets bigger and bigger. If I blink I might miss it. I look around at all the adults in the world and once they too were little infants, just hungry and sleepy and gassy, wanting to be cuddled. Were they cuddled too much? Too little? What makes us turn into the various forms of adults that populate the world? Nature and nurture. Environmental factors. Chance. Faith. Love.

I spent two hours away from my little love today to run a chore. To fix my cell phone (cause who can live without a working smart phone these days??). And when I was stuck in traffic on my way back I felt frustrated that it wasn't easy to get home. I actually was going in circles at one point, and it was funny that the harder I tried to get home it didn't matter, I ended up in the same spot. Such is life; so cyclical. We ignore the present while we are trying to be in the "now." And now is all we have, all we should want.

Now that it is getting easier at night - he only wakes up twice - we have a more pleasant time together AKA I don't want to cry from lack of sleep. But, as a good friend of mine said recently, when they stop waking up and needing you in the middle of the night, you miss them, because this special time with just the two of you is gone. Life goes by so quickly; be careful not to miss it.

I love being a mother more than even I thought I would.

Little Hands

What will these hands do and accomplish during his lifetime?

Right now they are so innocent and small... 

no flaws or scars, so little history stored in his skin...

and yet, so much love

The Mommyness of Being

It's true what they say. When you're sliding downhill, you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb your way back to the top.

Yesterday was such a day. I called my husband crying at four in the afternoon, cried until he came home, and then cried when I saw his car pull into the driveway, even though at that point Walt was asleep in my arms on the front porch swing, enjoying the cool air of Atlanta's first fall days. One would never have guessed that I had spent a trying day with him. Maybe it was the rain. Just enough rain to keep me indoors all day but not enough to be a really good rainy day. Maybe it's the fact that it's really easy to get run down, even with all the help I've been blessed with. I guess you could call me a Type A personality. Perfectionist. OCD tendencies. Many names for the same cloak. I know you're supposed to rest when you can with a newborn. But there is a house to keep clean (I have allergies so I can't ignore vacuuming). Overwhelming amounts of laundry to do (since when did a nine pound baby produce twice the amount of laundry of his parents?). Kittens to appreciate. Creative design projects to work on. Baby announcements to release to the wild. Lunch to eat. Showering. So many things I want to do...

It really wasn't even such a bad day, as far as bad days go. It's just that I was alone, all my happy little helpers either busy or out of town, all my friends at work, and Walt wasn't sleeping. He'd nap for 20 minutes then wake up fussy. I knew he was overtired. Probably overfed too since he ate every two hours or so. We weren't in a good rhythm. But I didn't know how to change it. David came home, kept Walt asleep for four hours, while I took a nap too. I think it recharged both of us.

Today Frank Sr. came over and went for a walk with me and Walt (it's Walt's one month birthday and Frank's 70th), and my dear sweet husband came home on his lunch break to check on me. What a wonderful surprise to see him walk through the door! I love that man. My aunt called to check on me since my mother is out of town. I have friends I can text. It's a blessing to know that people will rally around me when I have a bad day, if I can't pull myself up alone.

I think the thing is, you really have no idea what it will be like to be a parent until you become one. Even with all my childcare experience, it's not the same thing at all. I wrote a post several months ago about stay at home mothers, how people argue over whether it's a job... The truth is, anyone can become a parent. But not everyone can be a successful parent. It IS the hardest job in the world, but certainly the most rewarding. I will never let anyone tell me again that it isn't work, that staying home with a child is "doing nothing."

Today I feel confidence that can only be gained by experience. By experiencing the bad days and knowing that "it won't always hurt like this" (quoted from a story my mother told me last night). It will always get better. I put the baby down for two naps already today. He hasn't eaten incessantly. I am sure there will be more bad days, but one look at my son and I know it's all worth it. We're growing together, and I can't wait for all our accomplishments to come.

Breastmilk

Our little guy is growing by leaps and bounds. Is he going to turn into a little fatty? Only time will tell! He's already so strong, and so much bigger than when he came out... He looks like a real baby now instead of an elf!

Breastmilk is the miracle food that has caused this. Besides being the incredible nourisher that it is, there are other qualities that make breastmilk one of the neatest things god ever invented.

It heals.

Put breastmilk on your cracked nipples and let it dry. Put it on the scratches on baby's face from his little dagger nails that flail around. I put it on my skin and it healed much quicker. I put it on his little infected fingernail and it cleared it right up. I tried it on his baby acne and the redness went away and the bumps are almost gone.

What won't it cure? I think we should look into cancer remedies...

Dinner, thank you

So our church is kind enough to organize two weeks of dinners (MWF) for new parents... It's a lifesaver! We've had many people bring us food, and it's wonderful not have to worry about how I'm going to get to the grocery store and cook dinner for us. Walt is hardly predictable at this point! And we've had a variety I would never think of (my favorite being a delicious Italian dinner I'd like to order again! It was better than any Italian restaurant I frequent).

Last night we had some yummy tacos brought to us. The dad of the family was the deliverer, and as he handed me the bag of food, he looked at me and said, "So who had a baby?" And I was kind of surprised when I responded, "Me" ... He looked at me again and said, "Recently? It doesn't look like you've had a baby!"

Thank you kind sir! I have a three and a half week old boy!

Life

Life is an amazing thing. My life is amazing. The people in it are amazing.

I look at my little boy, watching him breathe, and I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that he exists because of me and Dave. I have a son! We have created something so much bigger than ourselves!

The grandmothers have given us incomparable help. Day and night, if we need them, they'll show up and save us. Walter is a lucky little guy! I probably would be insane right now too if they didn't help so much. It's much harder taking care of a newborn than I thought it would be. People who say it isn't work have obviously never done it. But thank God the reward is incredible.

Now, if only I could sleep 8 hours straight...