Friendships post-baby

I knew my life would change, but how much I could not guess beforehand. No one knows what it is going to be like to be a parent. And every situation is different too. But no one "on the outside" can grasp what it is like to have your own child. I thought I knew what it was like, but there is just no way. And you cannot maintain the same life as you once had. Maybe some people do, but that seems unimaginable to me. Maybe it's just that I am a different person now and not much else has changed.

Friends. It's hard to stay friends with people who don't quite get you. Who live a completely different life than you do. I can't claim to have many close friends. But I considered those in my inner circle to be indefatigable. I had hoped nothing would change. For a while it was hard to even get to my phone to answer calls or texts. Now it seems like friendships are already shifting. I don't know what to do... I will always have to take care of Walter. I am lucky; I have babysitters at the tips of my fingers. But I still have to plan ahead if I want to go somewhere on my own. I enjoy bringing Walt with me, but there's bags of baby utilities to bring and naps and food to schedule around, and I am still a slave to my own body (on my bad days I would characterize it like that). Even though Walt is no longer inside of me, I am still his sole source of food. I know that could change if I buy some formula, but my body would not immediately stop producing milk even if I did that. I would get an infection if I cut him off cold turkey. So for the next year this symbiotic relationship will continue (by my choice of course).

Maybe I did have an illusion even while pregnant that nothing would change; I could just lug my baby gear around with me to hang out whenever I wanted... I could work and read and create and... well, I still will do those things. But in terms of relationships... I am lucky for the friends I do have. I am closer to some people now, I still have my true die hard friends, and my family is there for me too. They don't give the baby back when he starts crying. He is a cute crier. His bottom lip pouts out and Mr. Grumpus emerges...

I will have to wait it out. If I'm the only one who has changed, I just need to work harder at being the friend I always want to be and believe I am.

I should try to be funny in my next post. This seems heavy for a Saturday night.