Walt's Birth Story

NB: This post is long, and it may contain some slight graphic details. Enjoy!

I’ll start with Wednesday, August 15^th. I had my 38 week check up, and as I had only gained 15 lbs at that point, we wanted to check baby’s development via ultrasound. I had been having some pretty significant pelvic pressure/pain. Turns out baby was so low “he had no where else to go but out,” according to the ultrasound tech. But otherwise he had a good bill of health and moved around a lot. I had lunch with Jason & Jen$ afterward at the spicy burrito place (yum!). Thursday I went to work and then Dave and I made dinner for his parents and my dad. We had yummy fish, corn, kale, rice, salad & red wine that my dad had brought back from the California vineyards he had just visited. Pelvic pressure was even more intense. On Friday our good friends Jen & Anton got married at Piedmont Park. Jen$ and I went to take pictures of the girls getting ready, then I showered and dressed for the big event, waiting for Dave to get home from work. It was a wonderful wedding. I danced with David (to some fast songs and a lovely slow one!). We had a good time with our friends (Jason, Jen$ & her roommate Jamie were there too). I was ready to go around 11, having been upright all day. We got home, and the pain made it feel like my pelvis would break apart every time I moved my legs. That night I slept very poorly, waking up a couple times because it felt like I was having intense contractions. They would start in my back and wrap around my waist. Eventually I got up for the day. Dave and I hung out that morning. I texted Alice about what I could do to relieve some pain. She told me to lay on the bed head down with my butt up in the air. It worked really well, for I didn’t have the pelvic pain anymore, but it did cause my first awake contraction of the day. 

Throughout the day I was having very intermittent contractions. I wasn’t even sure they were contractions, except they seemed to have peaks, and they would wrap around my belly and back. They felt like a hot iron squeezing a belt around my belly. They happened probably once or twice every hour, lasting 30 seconds or so. I’ve heard so much about false labor, I pretty much ignored them. Even though I was uncustomarily still that day, lying on the couch for most of it. Dave was outside working in the garden most of the day. We have a vegetable garden that had become completely overgrown with weeds. I don’t know how the veggies were surviving. At one point I joined him outside and sat in camping chair and watched him. When I brought the chair over it gave me a contraction. For about 30 minutes we chatted, and then I made him a grilled cheese sandwich, since he hadn’t eaten but a bowl of cereal for breakfast. I went back inside to rest. Horizontal resting was good, but if I had a contraction while I was laying down, the pain was much more horrible. Even lying on my side was excruciating. Around 5pm I went to the bathroom for the millionth time and noticed some blood. I thought, “here we go!” but I didn’t want to get too excited. I went outside to bring Dave some water and tell him that he might want to come inside soon, clean up, and get some rest. He looked at me like he was really excited, but we both knew not to make too much of it. At around 6pm I told him he needed to get inside. My contractions that last hour had been every ten minutes or so. I said something like, “If you don’t get inside now I’m going to get mad at you.” That hurried him up!

He showered and ate some dinner (and a beer!) while I… I’m not sure what I did. I know all I had eaten for hours was a small snack and ice water. I called our doula Alice around this time to tell her I thought I was going into labor. She said she was about to run a half marathon and gave me her backup’s number if things started getting more intense before she finished. I wanted to watch Mad Men, which Dave paused every time I had a contraction. I think it took us almost two hours to watch an episode! I tried to find different positions to make myself “comfortable” during each contraction, but nothing really worked. The only thing that felt the best was to sit up straighter than normal, leaning on something to lift my butt off the couch. The contractions would either start in my back and wrap around to the front or the other way around. They felt white hot, like they were gripping me around the middle. Kind of like bad gas but more concentrated. Painful, but I could breathe through them. They would increase until their peak and then slowly drift away. It is amazing that in between there would be no pain. I was actually afraid almost every time that I was mistaken, that I wasn’t really in labor, and that another contraction wouldn’t come. But oh, they did!

After the episode I decided to take a bath. I love baths and had wanted a water birth before the midwife left our OB practice unexpectedly. I thought it would calm the contractions and relax me. But maybe I’m not a good candidate for water birth! Getting in the water made me immediately have two contractions right on top of each other, and their intensity was much worse than the previous ones! I was surprised as I had had a bath earlier in the afternoon and had been able to read. Although I had just gotten in, I had Dave help me out, saying I couldn’t handle it in there. Turns out I must have flipped the “on” switch, because my contractions started coming every three minutes or so. They had been lasting about a minute. I moved to the bed (slowly, because I didn’t have much time in between each one) and sat there trying to get comfortable, debating with Dave if we should go to the hospital. He called our practice and said “I think my wife is starting labor,” which as it turns out was a silly description. He explained my contractions, and the hospital said to come on in. I decided to call Alice first. She was still running the last mile of her race! I had to throw the phone down at one point to get through a contraction. Dave was being sweet giving my feet a massage, and I couldn’t even handle that. Turns out that though I love massages, I didn’t really like to be touched too much during intense labor! Labor sure is Opposite Land. Alice asked if I would be upset if we went in and I was only dilated 3 cm. I said, maybe, but I would really be upset if I was only 1 cm. I was also thinking, “boy, if this is only early labor, I’m not sure I could handle active labor!” My plan all along was to go natural, as I had trained to be a doula myself the year before and had delved into studying childbirth, but I kept thinking in the back of my head that I would probably cave and get an epidural if I got to the hospital, and they said I wasn’t very far along.

Alice suggested that I wait 30 minutes and reassess then if I wasn’t completely sure that I wanted to go to the hospital. I thought that was a good idea. After about 20 minutes though, contractions still very intense and seemingly coming one right on top of the other, I told Dave we needed to pack our bags and get going. North Fulton is about 45 minutes (in no traffic) from our house, and I was getting to the point where I needed to be where I was going to give birth. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get in the car if we waited any longer. So off we went, Dave driving very carefully. He had a bottle of peanuts rolling around the front passenger floorboard (I was in the back where there were more options for labor positions) and I very quickly told him that that wasn’t going to work! He quickly stuffed them in the glove compartment. We didn’t really talk on the ride or listen to music, though occasionally he would say stuff to me. I can’t remember if I responded. I didn’t watch the clock, but I glanced at it and saw that the contractions weren’t slowing down. The first one in the car was about five minutes, so I thought I would get a reprieve, but then they quickly stabilized at 3 minutes. I texted Alice and let her know we were on our way. Funny thing was, Dave and I were still wondering on the way that maybe this was super early, and I would only be 1 cm when I got there, and they’d want to send me home!

We went in through the emergency room, and L&D came to get me in a wheelchair. I felt kind of silly being wheeled down the corridors, as if I couldn’t walk. They were very sweet when I arrived (I had preregistered, whew), and they told me to change into a gown and give them a urine sample. I asked if I couldn’t wear my own clothes, and they said, “Sure! Whatever you want!” It took me a while in the bathroom because I had another contraction. I couldn’t tell how long it lasted. It was enough just to be in the moment, waiting for the pain to subside. During contractions I completely forgot about going to a more transformative or spiritual place as I had wanted the experience to be. I could only think through each one that it would pass somehow. When Crystal, the nurse, had me lie down so she could check me, I told her that that was the worst position for my contractions, and she was very awesome and understanding about my “pains,” as she called them. We waited for my next one to pass, and then she checked me quickly before I could have another one. She said, “Now don’t get too comfortable here. You’re 5-6 cm dilated and 90% effaced. Let’s go to your room!” She then asked when we first got into the room if I planned on delivering naturally, and my response was, “that’s the plan!” I was losing conviction at that point though. Good thing Alice would be there soon.

By this time it was around 11pm Saturday night. Once I got in my room we had to do a reactive strip on baby to make sure he was doing well. It didn’t take long at all to make sure his heart rate and movement were fantastic during and in between contractions. Crystal also set up an INT on my left hand for an “in case” moment. It was rather large and annoying. She said she wasn’t going to even call Dr. Modugno until the last possible minute so he wouldn’t have a chance to intervene! Alice showed up and we sat around chatting about labor and delivery, and I tried a few more positions. Dave and I actually hadn’t told our family yet that I was in labor, and we figured we should let everyone know. Dave messaged our parents that we were at the hospital. I wanted to go in the shower, but Crystal was about to come in again to check baby, which they do every hour. This check was even shorter. She wrapped my hand with the INT in a large latex glove, which looked and felt even more ridiculous. At some point Modugno came in to check me out, but I had a contraction while he was there and had to lean on Dave, so I couldn’t really respond to him. He didn’t stay long, I think because he knew it was going really well. I was happy he was remembering what I wanted in my birth plan (AKA no interventions). The interesting thing about contractions was that whatever position I was in when the contraction got going, that was where I was staying. There was no moving, even if I was in a terrible position. So it was best to be in a place where I could easily stabilize myself to get through it.

Getting in the shower was wonderful, even if the water was just under the temperature I would have liked it to be, but it was probably set at the highest it would be safe for a laboring woman. Good thing was it was consistent. It took me several contractions to figure out where I wanted to be. There was a seat in the shower, but it was too flat and hard and too far back to provide much comfort. I tried sitting in the shower, but my butt would hurt too much during a contraction. So I settled for sitting down facing the faucet in between contractions, then when I would feel them revving up, I would use the bar in front of me to raise myself up on my knees, rest my arms and face on the bar, letting the shower hit my back. I could wiggle my butt if I wanted to relax, but for the most part I forgot to relax and noticed frequently that my shoulders were tight. I would always try to lower them if I could remember. When I was sitting down I would let the water hit my face, which was nice. Dave and Alice got me a towel to put underneath my knees so they wouldn’t hurt too. It felt like I had less and less time to relax between contractions. I didn’t focus on time or really anything else but getting through the pain. Dave was sitting on a stool next to the shower, just being with me and getting me ice chips or water if I needed them. He was with me the whole time, holding me up if I needed his support or just being there with his loving presence. Alice sat outside the door if we needed her. Interestingly, during this time I was completely naked and could have cared less who came in. It felt very primal. I had some questions, like when my mucus plug really started to come out, and it freaked me out. It was very bloody and stringy. I thought something was wrong cause it wouldn’t easily pull out, and I thought I was pulling parts of my uterus out. It was fantastic to have Alice there telling me that things were normal or what to expect. And it was like she knew my needs before I could even voice them. Probably because she is so used to supporting women in labor! At one point while we were in the shower (I barely talked except for the few moments in between contractions) Dave said that he was jealous of me because he wasn’t able to give birth to our child. Now, that might sound strange, but since he’s a Marine, he likes painful challenges. It’s a sentiment I had heard before from him and it really bolstered me when I was nervous about birth during my pregnancy, because he knows what it’s like to be completely in the moment, and it’s not something you get to experience very often. Well, my response to that, while in the shower, was “You can have the next one,” and I heard Alice laugh right outside the door. It was a simple moment, but one that I really liked. It kept me going.

At some point I asked Dave how long we had been in the shower. Time really had no meaning, but he said it had been 45 minutes. He told me later that the contractions were every 3 minutes, lasting 2 minutes. Sometimes I would have double contractions, when there would be no break between. He apparently had talked to Alice some while I was in there, and I didn’t even notice. For so much of the time I could only be involved in my own mind and the sensations flowing through my body. The bathroom was dark, so maybe it was like a little cave, where my body felt protected and could go through what it needed to to get the baby out without interruption. After awhile I remember thinking that I wasn’t sure I could handle too much more of this. I knew from a previous meeting with Alice that that can be a sign of transition. It immediately made me hopeful, because everything was just so intense I wasn’t sure I could keep going. I don’t think I had much choice either way. My labor was a locomotive with no brakes. Soon I started feeling the urge to go to the bathroom during each contraction. It was literally the feeling of having to poo but only during the intense part of the contraction. I told Alice, and she said it might be the urge to push. After a couple of those contractions, I turned off the shower and decided to get up (while I could!) to see if I did need to poo. I knew that sometimes women would potty during labor. I got out of the shower, and Alice and Dave tried to dry me off. Hospital towels are very small and inefficient! I had several wrapped around me, and I sat down on the toilet. During the next contraction, the unavoidable urge to bear down hit me. I could not help myself. There was nothing I could do to stop myself from doing it. I was grimacing and straining and… I felt the baby in the birth canal. It was this warm, full feeling of his head coming down. It was probably one of the most frightening feelings I’ve ever had, knowing that there wasn’t anything else left for me to do but push him out. It was by far the most instinctual feeling I ever had, feeling his head plus the urge to push. His head felt big. Alice had gone to get the nurse and the nurse to get Modugno and tell him the show was on the road. 

Alice and Dave helped me get up off the toilet and to the bed. Now, getting to the bed felt like an insurmountable task. It was probably 15 feet away but felt like Mt. Everest. Contractions were not the same anymore. They completely took over my mind and body, and I was like an animal, doing things and making noises that I couldn’t help. I think I maybe had 3 or 4 contractions before I could crawl onto the bed. We stopped and I would hold onto Dave and Alice, trying to stay upright and keep going. The noises I made were of the groaning variety, but they weren’t gutteral, not yet. Turns out there’s a big difference. Alice asked me if I wanted to put on my dress, which I did. I couldn’t have cared less who was in the room down at my naked bum, but for some reason I was more comfortable not being completely naked anymore. Once I got on the bed there was hustle and bustle about, most of which I could barely pay attention to as I was completely taken over by the pain. They had to lower the end of the bed and prep for delivery. I then was in a position to push, sitting up, Alice on my right leg, Dave on my left. They tried to put monitors on, the INT was falling out. I was pretty much saying “no” to every suggestion by the medical staff, which was ridiculous on my part. I truly didn’t want to be there anymore; I wanted someone else to have to do this for me. I think Dave wished he could have taken my place.

The noises I was making were very loud. But they were the wrong type of noises. They were surface, lung noises, not using my belly and my butt to push the baby out. It is literally the same type of push as a big poo, but also so very different. Ungraceful description, but accurate. You have to crunch up and dig deep inside yourself to push that giant baby out of your small canal. A couple of times I was literally trying to back away from the pain, and it made the nurses laugh and say, “Honey, you can’t back away from this, you have to bear into it to get him out.” But everyone there was very supportive. Very. They were all trying to help me, tell me what to do and how to do it. Crystal broke my water, which was a warm, gushing feeling that felt good, and I had been hoping against all hope that baby would surf out on that wave, but it was not to be, there was more to come! The times when I would push correctly, it seemed like everyone was cheering me on, and I would hope it was over each time. I couldn’t really tell what was going on down there anymore, except that there was a large object trying to come out. I started hyperventilating. My hands were acting funny, all curled up and I couldn’t uncurl them. My lips were becoming numb and weirdly shaped. Modugno wanted me to hold my own legs (to which my response was “no, no, no” and he grabbed my hands, put them on my legs, and told me to pull them back. This was when my hands weren’t working, and he told me I needed to slow my breathing down. Everyone had to keep reminding me to slow it down, because I would forget and start getting faster and faster, just hoping the pain would subside quickly. Turns out if you slow down, that speeds things up! He crowned for a couple contractions (during which Crystal would say, “he’s almost here! Probably one more push and you’ll have your baby!” Baby’s head finally came out with a cheer, and the rest just slithered out (much less work than the head), and they placed him on my tummy… HE WAS HERE!!! At 1:45am Sunday morning, August 19, 2012. It was only 15 minutes of pushing! It had felt like an eternity. I had cried out the entire time I was pushing, crying out in fear, pain, and wishing it would be over soon. But then…

I couldn’t believe it. I really couldn’t. I had my hands on him, was looking at him (he was a purple color all over; I asked if he was ok), and I just kept breathing really hard. I was saying “oh my goodness” and just in a state of overwhelming disbelief. Here was a miracle, a true miracle, on my belly. My child that I had created out of love with my husband, carried for nine months, and delivered after about 8 hours of labor. The intensity of the moment was something I had never experienced before. Dave asked me if I wanted to say his name out loud (we hadn’t shared the name with anyone yet), and I said “oh yeah” and simply, “Walter” because there he was, looking beautiful and in my arms. Dave and I looked at each other and there was just pure love there. Love for each other and baby and the moment that we were in together. 

Of course, it wasn’t over. I had to be stitched up. Baby had torn me good and getting sewn up was terrible. They had to apply the local anesthetic twice. Dave and I focused on baby, Alice focused on me, Modugno kept saying “sorry love” when it hurt, and my body wouldn’t stop shaking. Finally, finally, it was all done. They dimmed the lights, and left the four (!) of us alone together. Alice stayed for a little while longer helping Walt and I get our first latch, then she left the three of us alone together. We had taken off my dress so baby and I could be skin to skin, him covered with a blanket, and there we were, our new little family, alone together for the first time post natal. We just sat there and looked at him, talking about how awesome he was. It was nice to have that time together, because there was lots to do afterward. I had to get cleaned up (and pee, ouch). At least I could walk around. Baby got weighed (6 lbs 13 oz) and measured (19 ½ inches). We gathered our belongings to go to the room and also follow baby to the nursery to get checked and cleaned. They thought he looked over 40 weeks because of his peeling skin, not one week early. After having him inside me for 9 months I wasn’t interested in being away from him yet. Jan and Frank were waiting for us out in the hallway to meet baby and hear his name. They had tried to come into the delivery room right after Modugno had left, but Dave told them they had to wait a few moments longer. His mom had brought cookies to bribe the nurses into letting her back there! They were her delicious chocolate peanut butter ritz cracker cookies that I could eat a million of. My dad would visit tomorrow (he was going out of town the next day) and my mother was still in Vermont (I had told her that baby would come when she was gone when she first told me her plans. I always knew he’d be at least a little early!) We got back to the room with baby around 4am, took a zillion photos and then everyone left. Walt was a sleepy baby, not waking the entire night (he had been through a lot too!) but Dave and I were too keyed up from what had just happened. It took us a little while to talk it out and finally fall asleep, baby in his bassinet between us. The whole thing was just… wow. I've never felt more proud of myself in my life.

And that’s how our little Walt came into this world!