The Mommyness of Being

It's true what they say. When you're sliding downhill, you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb your way back to the top.

Yesterday was such a day. I called my husband crying at four in the afternoon, cried until he came home, and then cried when I saw his car pull into the driveway, even though at that point Walt was asleep in my arms on the front porch swing, enjoying the cool air of Atlanta's first fall days. One would never have guessed that I had spent a trying day with him. Maybe it was the rain. Just enough rain to keep me indoors all day but not enough to be a really good rainy day. Maybe it's the fact that it's really easy to get run down, even with all the help I've been blessed with. I guess you could call me a Type A personality. Perfectionist. OCD tendencies. Many names for the same cloak. I know you're supposed to rest when you can with a newborn. But there is a house to keep clean (I have allergies so I can't ignore vacuuming). Overwhelming amounts of laundry to do (since when did a nine pound baby produce twice the amount of laundry of his parents?). Kittens to appreciate. Creative design projects to work on. Baby announcements to release to the wild. Lunch to eat. Showering. So many things I want to do...

It really wasn't even such a bad day, as far as bad days go. It's just that I was alone, all my happy little helpers either busy or out of town, all my friends at work, and Walt wasn't sleeping. He'd nap for 20 minutes then wake up fussy. I knew he was overtired. Probably overfed too since he ate every two hours or so. We weren't in a good rhythm. But I didn't know how to change it. David came home, kept Walt asleep for four hours, while I took a nap too. I think it recharged both of us.

Today Frank Sr. came over and went for a walk with me and Walt (it's Walt's one month birthday and Frank's 70th), and my dear sweet husband came home on his lunch break to check on me. What a wonderful surprise to see him walk through the door! I love that man. My aunt called to check on me since my mother is out of town. I have friends I can text. It's a blessing to know that people will rally around me when I have a bad day, if I can't pull myself up alone.

I think the thing is, you really have no idea what it will be like to be a parent until you become one. Even with all my childcare experience, it's not the same thing at all. I wrote a post several months ago about stay at home mothers, how people argue over whether it's a job... The truth is, anyone can become a parent. But not everyone can be a successful parent. It IS the hardest job in the world, but certainly the most rewarding. I will never let anyone tell me again that it isn't work, that staying home with a child is "doing nothing."

Today I feel confidence that can only be gained by experience. By experiencing the bad days and knowing that "it won't always hurt like this" (quoted from a story my mother told me last night). It will always get better. I put the baby down for two naps already today. He hasn't eaten incessantly. I am sure there will be more bad days, but one look at my son and I know it's all worth it. We're growing together, and I can't wait for all our accomplishments to come.